Voodoo Child v. 16: it doesn't have to be eternal to be immortal.

So the day comes that I am finally done with jury duty. It was a short three days of glory, trying to stay awake through many hours of "OBJECTION" and "SUSTAINED." I'm not going to lie, it wasn't a bad experience like the last time was. That was at least four days of boring insurance legalese and stuttering lawyers.

This trial was about a woman, let's call her Camry, who got hit by, let's call him Escape. Now we're not going to argue that Camry was indeed hit by (an) Escape. This is called a stipulation, and yes, we know this for a fact. What is at stake, really, is that Escape now owes Camry damages stemming from the accident. 

I won't get into the nitty gritty of the whole affair, but here's what I learned:

1. If your lawyer starts out his opening argument with "I became a lawyer because--", you are fucked. He doesn't care about you. 
2. If your lawyer wears more gel in his hair than can be held in a one pound jar of Dep, you are fucked.
3. If your chiropractor is forging documents and forgets to get rid of the evidence, you are double fucked.
4. If your jury is shaking its cumulative head, you are screwed.
5. If you are a friend of someone who is a witness, and she is caught in a lie, you should probably not have a look of sheer horror on your face.
6. If you say "the car was moving 35-40 miles per hour" at the point of impact, yet fail to recall that the starting point of the car which hit you was about 2-4 feet ahead of you, you are fucked and you obviously failed physics. Even if your ass has a Ferrari, this is impossible and you are in lala land.
7. If you, as the defendant, play it low key, and your bring in an expert witness who calls your chiropractor "awful" and a fraud, you pretty much have won me over.

So, in short, that's the trial in a nutshell. Plaintiff's lawyer was a little sleazy, the plaintiff did not have a great recollection of the events and gave testimony that directly went against the deposition she gave two years earlier, her chiropractor commited fraud and couldn't explain why she had two records for the same appointments with the severity of the injury that was different in each case, and she went clubbing the day after her "crucial" accident. The defense poked holes in almost every plaintiff's story and that totally sucked for the plaintiff. When we were discussing the incidents, I said, "Shenanigans. Someone is trying to get over on us, and we are not stupid. I don't appreciate having someone lie to us about this and wasting our time."

We took probably less than 40 minutes to deliberate. I don't even want to get started talking about how crazy some of my jurymates were. They were a little wacky, esp. the chem engineer chick. She just wanted to talk and talk. Ugh. Shut the fuck up already. You're getting in the way of us saying "Plaintiff ain't got a leg to stand on. You crazy."

We got outside, read the verdict, and were polled for our individual answers. 12-0 in favor of the defendant. One of the jurors, while we were deliberating says, "Doesn't anyone screen for this crap? What a waste!"

Ha. It was a little waste of time, but if there was a time I could take off from work to participate in the system, and do my part, this was a good time to do it. Nothing going on at work, nothing going on at home, and I got to spend time in the Civic Center area. I was able to check out the Harlem West: Fillmore Jazz exhibit which was pretty cool at the War Memorial too. Neat.

Anyways, that's your voodoo doing her thing, so you good kids do your time. Hopefully it will be a good trial and it will move fast, not one of those crazy criminal trials that takes forever. Do your part. it's a good thing. And it's pretty hilarious what other people think and do.

Voodoo