Voodoo Child v. 17: Welcome to the One Woman Show

Filipina maid performs sorcery on two-year-old

KUWAIT: A Kuwaiti grandmother of a two-year-old child heard the infant crying incessantly on the upper floor of the house and decided to check it out. What she saw seemed something straight out of a horror movie. The Filipina maid was completely nude and she had also taken off the baby's clothes inside the bathroom. Then she started pouring a concoction of a liquid mixed with flies and crickets over the baby. When the horrified grandmother asked her what she was doing, the maid replied that she specialised in sorcery and witchcraft, and the liquid was meant to make the baby love her forever. The grandmother told police that the child's mother was unable to take care of her as she had recently delivered a baby, which is why she had entrusted the maid to take care of her. The grandmother then told her second son of the ritual as the child's father was away performing Haj. The son immediately registered a complaint with police. The case is under investigation.

Posted by Voodoo Child at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

2006 was the year for weddings in my circle of friends with three very wonderful couples doin' the pimp walk of love down the isle. Since Husbandido and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary just recently, this was timely for me to find. Anyways, for those of you who are considering taking the plunge, here goes. Those of you who aren't, well, save it for later, will ya?

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

I could think of a million more, but I'll leave it up to you to list some questions you wish you asked...to start you off, here's mine:

"Do you hog the sheets? Cause if you do, we gon' be boxin'."

VDC 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 06:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I took some time from work today to do the things that need to get done. It never ceases to amaze me just how much is going on when I'm locked away in my cell doing, well, the things that need to get done. In the cell.

So today we got the oil changed, we got the headlamp replaced in my car (therefore it's in the shop and I'm driving my rental POS today), saw a doctor regarding some eye issues, and got that haircut I was due for. It looks good, I have to admit. Went to Daiso, that crack headed place. I got some goodies. If you're in the area, you should check it out.

I'm about to settle in for the project that has nagged me: the Europe trip album. Yippee!

While at Target the other day I saw one of the nurses that has carefully seen me through the massive amount of treatments that I have undergone in the name of health. It's weird to see people out of context, isn't it? I always get scared of seeing students out of the element, especially when I have a fine glass of alcohol in my hand, but hell, I'll raise the glass then leave in a quick minute.

Here's my oh god moment of the day. I'm in my bucket rental, and it's massive windy this AM. I open the door, not used to the weight and feel (guys you know what I'm talking about) of it, and it SLAMS into the car next to me. Twice. Major damage to the other cars. TWICE! Feel like shit over it, but amazed that bucket doesn't suffer any damage.  I manage to learn how to hold the door so it doesn't get caught in the crazy wind gusts, but by then, the wind dies down. Sorry guys!

Voodoo 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 09:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Have you seen this yet? Transformer movie trailers! Oh gosh! I don't know what to think! Usually cool trailers turn into sucky movies! But I hope not.

Chances are I'll wuss out and wait for it to come out on DVD before I watch it. I can't stand loud spooky movies like this in the theater. I'll probably pee myself.

But I'm still excited. I wonder when the GoBots movie is coming out.

Voodoo 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today, Christmas Day, marks the passing of one of music's greatest frontmen, James Brown. He brought to my word lots of great music hidden in today's hip hop songs as mere loops, but they were true testimonies to his talent and his ability to influence music even today.

In my ears, he never hid who he was from his listeners: gritty, soulful, and always down to have a good time. He truly was an artist in every sense of the word. He will be missed.

...

Happy Christmas to all you holy people. Thanks to the Weekender and Etcha for hosting us, and for Teach and Mighty Mom for comin' through. Much love. Be safe this weekend everyone. Enjoy the shopping tomorrow too!

Voodoo 

PS: just in case you were the last person in your cube to know, DIAB. 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Okay people. I know half of you have already gone home and I should have sent the memo out earlier, but today is Global Orgasm Day. But wait, it's Global Orgasm for Peace day, so that should calm you people down a little.

So here's the website (what, you think I was joking?) 

This is a good way to start my vacation. Enjoy your holiday again, people. Now it has purpose!

Voodoo

PS: The video? Go watch. It's SFW, nerd. 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 02:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This last week, the kids were gone. ALL gone. Amazingly, some came back on Monday for god knows what reason, but it was really kind of quiet. Too quiet to be honest. I wish there was a little noise. Alas, there was none. And to top it off, it's mad raining. Oh and every sound I did hear, I swear I was going to freak out.

I packed up my stuff on Monday and moved to another office, where there were at least two people there at all times. Nice, huh?

So in that office I go, and to my sweet surprise, some of my colleagues, like myself, were bored and wound up congregating in my "office" with me. That office wound up being my colleague's conference room, so now instead of three bored people, there were now five. Today there were six. Ha. The fun never ends.

I don't know what it is, but people like to drop in my office and shoot the shit. It's fun. Nine times out of ten, we're having work-related discussions, so it's not all bad, but there are those, so, what are you crocheting today conversations that are humorous. I want to tell you, despite having shacked up in new digs and hanging out with the homies, I was very productive. Seriously.

You see, I love work, I really do, it's self-defining, gratifying you name it. It's also nice to see things you want to work on get DONE. You know what I mean, right? So I had a few major projects to do: letters of recommendation, drafting a new faculty brochure, redoing the entire website, etc. That's a lot. Stuff I can't even fathom getting done if the kids are around. I wanted to knock stuff out of the way because like most people, I like to have fun. I have time to accommodate my colleagues' drop-in consultations (sometimes I think people take me to lunch because I'm the Oracle or something but yes pass the ketchup) that way. When idle, make the best of the time that you do have so that you can be absolutely productive.

I'd hate a job where I sat on my ass. life is too short to have a big ass anyway. I like to hammer out projects, think outside the goddamn box, and have a fresh perspective on life. It's an absolute necessity for me to be on top of my game. I can't rest. It's a must do in a can do world. God i sound like a management book, but I hope you understand.

Yes there are days when all I want to do is chat with my friends. But I feel much better at it when I don't have to worry about that project that is staring me in the face, you know? But in the next week I'm taking some personal time. I'm going to try and get some of my quality time in with friends, esp. those I never see. So G, I'm coming out to see you! No, jk, i'll wait until it's warmer ;-)

Onto other things...all the Christmas cards went out. I'm chewing my nails because I feel like I've left some people out. That's bound to happen, isn't it? Crap. I always forget people at the last minute so I feel like  putz because I forgot. Damn on me. I also got most of the presents that I think I need to get. I need to get one more for pops and I'm all good. God, what to get the guy who literally has everything. LITERALLY. it's mind-boggling.

Tomorrow, now that I think of it, starts the holiday party rounds we have to do. four in four days. it's amazing, isn't it? But good to spend time with family, and it's wonderful to be able to connect with people I haven't seen. I'll be giving you all more quality time in the next few days, I hope. Take care and if I don't see ya, Happy Holidays.

Voodoo 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 11:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I tell you all last week or so that I was going to get back to blogging. And then guess what, I don’t go blogging. Horrible. I’m bad at keeping my promises, apparently, but I swear this one has a story to go with it.

I have always had a theory about the world that the reason why we love Heroes (the TV show), movies like The Hulk, Batman, and all those other rock ‘em sock ‘em caped crusaders is because in this world, the very one where we live, we need someone to help us hope. We need someone to step up when we can’t. We need someone who can inspire us to bigger and better heights when the world around us sucks. And admit it, people - it sucks.

After losing my grandmother, this story comes into my radar about a family that is lost somewhere near the middle of nowhere. The world seemed to be stuck in a bad place for a few days then I find myself in a place to hope again.

So I’m at home, work, gym, mind racing over how this dude is going to save the family. They find the family. No pops. Shit. I check website after website. Yes, while there is a war going on in another part of the world, my family is asunder, I want to know: where the hell is James Kim, and await the moment he stumbles out of the woods and says, “Hey fuckers, can I get some help here?”

I feel like the need for some vindication in my world, that he will be The One that saves the family. I have hope in my heart for a moment because I NEED for him to come back. To have a hero means that insurmountable odds are nothing, that the world has a chance even though it’s all wrong, that somewhere, a man with a heart as big as a mountain has a shot.

I won’t get into how moved I was because he basically said, “Honey, Imma find help. Be right back.” He gets mad love for that. But as I thought more and more about it, it was the hero factor that did it for me. The little guy who beats the odds.

When I learned that they found him a few days later, it really made the stop in my tracks. Heroes. Do. Not. Die. I said to myself. It was unbelievable. I found myself mired in loss for two people: grandmother and someone I never met before in my life. It baffled me. I was speechless.
I wandered that day watching hope slip like sand in a sieve, but at that moment understood that heroes don’t need to have capes, masks, or superhuman powers. Heroes are people like you and me who through willpower, faith and even a little grasp of hope can change tides, lives and minds.

I’d have to agree with you. A voice called behind me. I smiled. I haven’t heard from God in awhile. And you know me. When God calls…you sort of have to answer. I turned around in my chair and looked over my shoulder. I small girl sat in my office on what I called my “Harry Potter” chair. It was loud, black, brown and cream colored. Her feet dangled off the edge. Black patent Mary Janes.

You think? I baited God. Horrible to do, I know, but we’re friends like that.

I think it’s not necessarily that heroes don’t die, like you said, because they do. But heroes don’t die metaphorically. That’s what makes them great, their stories. She stared at me with big eyes. Doe eyes. Then smiled.

They don’t. You’re right. But am I right though, that the world needs heroes? I turned around to face not the girl with shiny black patent leather shoes. Her face shimmered into a old woman.  She smoothed out her blue cordoroy jacket and looked up at me.

The world has always needed heroes, dear. You know that. Just like the world needs antiheros to show us the other side. Her eyes were watery. It was hard to tell if that was emotion or her age. I often saw my grandmother’s eyes like that. From out of nowhere: She says hi, by the way.

Tell her I said hi too. I almost lost it. You know, those novenas we’re required to do? I hope she didn’t mind that I threw in James’ name. She doesn’t mind. She knows. Grandmothers always know, I thought to myself.
It seemed natural to pray for both of them. I paused after I said that and looked around. My parents said nothing. Mom smiled. They flowed with it too.

A breeze shied past my shoulder. Sometimes I hear my name called at night. I wanted to ask about it, but I already knew what it was. A man’s voice this time. You do, he said. I felt a hand on my shoulder but no one was around.

Voodoo 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 10:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As some of you may or may not go, I had a recent loss in my family. Thanks to those of you who emailed me. It was tough, but to be honest with you, it was pretty hellish. I won't get into detail, as those things are much too private to share, but I will let you know some observations about life and death in Filipino families.

First off, let it be known that death is a very important part of life. It's something that we have discussed openly, about how life ends and what needs to happen afterwards. I know other Filipino families might do something different; I think all families do anyway, but it's the way in which we deal with it that makes it a reality rather than something that just happens and oh well fuck it. 

Funerals are political. Who comes, who speaks, who appears in the slide show, it's all a very pointed portrait of the life of the deceased as well as a statement on where people fall in that person's life. I would hate to put all the family garbage out there, but if certain people don't show, you know there's funk, and everyone in the room knows it. On vacation? Can't get away? Bullpoops.

I got the call to put together the funeral mass, the wake, and all the associated programs and slide shows. I do much of this stuff (albeit not funeral stuff, more work stuff) on a damned regular basis. But not with a 24 hour turnaround. And if you know me, I need my time to do things right. So a couple of late nights to make shit happen happened. Yes, I looked like crap the next day and was slightly mental the whole time, but in the end, it's about the person who passed on, isn't it? I would give her anything I could to make sure she got the best I had. At any cost.

Adversity highlights all that you are, the good and the bad. I have seen, over the last week, the true selves of many people I know and love dearly. For the most part, my opinion of them goes unchanged, if anything I see them in a more beautiful sight. But there are some folks who have revealed themselves to be, despite their intentions, jackasses. That was a confirmation, so now I don't feel crazy when someone says to me, "that person is a total jackass."

That's it for me right now. I needed to take a step away from life (aka this blog) to handle my business because I don't think it would be highly appropriate for me to blog about my observations about life/sex/dogs/cats/the gym/disco music/whatever during this time. It'll be back, I promise, but until then here's something to tide you over, and yes I watched the whole thing so shut up.

Voodoo 

Posted by Voodoo Child at 08:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)