I Know Her.
A few weeks ago, I walked you through the amniocentisis that I went through. I explained before the actual procedure there was the counseling appointment that I needed to go through; all couples who have an amnio go through this counseling, but most likely in a group rather than in a small individual setting. I couldn't make the group, so I opted for a private session.
As she flipped through her data, I kept thinking to myself that there was a 1 in 300 chance. There was a 1 in 250 chance. The only thing I remembered rattling through my head was "In a room full of 300 women, one of us is going to be affected by the condition." I visualized the group of women and randomly pausing in front of one woman. Would that camera shot pause in front of me? I didn't know if I should have started praying that it wasn't me, or if I should start praying for someone else. Either way, there was prayer involved.
As many of you know I got the all clear and after I got off the phone, I was ecstatic. For a week, I walked around gingerly, pausing every now and then to pat the front of my belly and make sure Bambino/a (we didn't know at the time, right?) was doing well. I played over and over the conversation on my brain that the genetic counselor and I had. "These are the chances. It all depends on when the baby is born, not how old you are now." Thirty-something. I felt screwed. Like I waited too long, and this was my punishment for waiting.
I thought long and hard about the woman who got the call urging her to come in. What tipped me off right away was that the counselor wanted to go over the results with me over the phone. Whenever it's over the phone, it's usually good news. Whenever they want you to come in, it's never a good thing. Someone out there got the call. Somewhere, there are 298 other women, other than myself, who are heaving a sigh of relief. Somewhere, there is someone who is devastated.
It turns out, I know someone who got that phone call. Chromosome deformity. Likelihood of birth, low. Worse than Down's Syndrome if baby survived birth. I felt my heart sink when I got the news. She herself has been carrying this news for a few weeks now. The joys of motherhood dashed? I don't know what my heart would be like if I were here. The person who told me gave me a big hug, and said, you're so lucky. I guess I am.
Voodoo