Work. That's Exactly What it Is.
I returned to work two weeks ago, and it's been fun, it's been different. I find myself busier than my other job, but more focused on stuff that I can handle rather than chasing down things that are out of my grasp. The short answer is that it's hard to be without Bambina, but the truth is, I need to work, to feel productive. Not that being a mom isn't productive enough, but I craved doing something and finishing it. With Bambina it's constantly doing doing doing...my triumphs were getting her to sleep and not cry. But that was it. I didn't have time to do what i needed to do (buy diapers, do laundry, etc). I still don't have the time, but hell, I'm glad to be at work, but I miss her terribly.
A while ago, I told you about a friend who had a baby that was ill; he had little chance to survive. I ran into her the other day, and I didn't know the outcome of her pregnancy. In fact, we saw each other at the hospital. I gave birth, and she was rushing into the hospital to, presumably, give birth. I greeted her as always in her office, on the way to see someone else. She looked surprised to see me, and I, her. She asked about Bambina, and I asked her about her baby. She started tearing up immediately, and it came racing back to me that her baby was ill; he had a chromosomal defect. He was stillborn. We stared at each other for a moment. I feel like I was kicked in the stomach. I felt horrible. Words cannot describe. She asked me about Bambina, I beamed. I asked her about her son, and....shit.
The moment sticks with me til this day. She wrote me an email, kindly asking forgiveness for being so awkward. WTF. You have a year's pass. It was me that should have apologized. We were pregnant around the same time. We were due at the same time. Same hospital. Same everything. Shit. I went shopping for myself a few weeks prior and picked out a stunning red stone pendant on a cord. A nursing necklace. The stone had "courageous" properties. I wore it once, and I LOVED it. I bought another green one as well to symbolize persistence and decisiveness (like I have problems with that, sheesh). I can't get over wearing it. I love it so much. But I carefully wrapped up the red one and wrote her a card back and wished her courage to get through it. She was wearing it today. It made me so happy to see her smile as she fondled the stone. I wish her courage.
I got up this morning to listen to my new president take the oath. I lied, actually, I was at home, then headed out to work to make it in time to hear his oath and address. The entire network was clogged, but I listened to NPR to get me through. I knew my membership would pay off. I'm hopeful, elated, and bolstered by his presidency, and I'm so glad to bring my daughter up in a day and age that has seen change and hope sweep this country.
Well...that's enough for now. Husbandido is off bowling with his bros, and I'm here by my lonesome being a mommy. It's okay. There's no place I'd rather be. Okay, maybe Maui or Paris, but you know me by now.
Kisses,
Voodoo