Time
I took me going to church on Ash Wednesday (what, there's one RIGHT behind my office. Hard to ignore) to tell God that I'd commit to writing again. I went with my two co-workers, one of whom asked me what I was going to give up. Just like New Year's I always try to change it up. I don't believe in giving up things like negative habits. I believe in doing new things to improve on how things are being done. Yah it looks the same, but it's not. For Lent I gave up giving up.
I admit that I thought I'd be writing more when I went to work. But in reality, I'm not free like I thought I was going to be. I'm busier than ever, challenged to perform, to create anew, to shake off all that negativity that existed in my office before I even arrived. So it's been busy. I simultaneously love my job. I simultaneously despise it. But I have a job, so I'll just shut up.
I'm in Sacramento tonight, it's late, but I'm writing because I need to. I feel like this has been weighing me down for awhile, but it's a huge relief to write. I can't believe I waited this long.
So here's what's happened in the last few weeks. Or has it been months? Bambina's baptism went so well. It was work, but it went down and she's blessed and so are we. She bawled like hell when it was her turn, but that's life. I nearly bawled too, but that was because I got chewed out for not feeding her when I should have, but whatever. I put the whole thing together in less than a month. I have to give thanks to her godmothers for stepping up and helping out. Other folks could have helped but didn't. Annoyed.
I've been going back to light treatments. It's working, yet not. That's life too. Fracking lame skin condition. Ever get burned to the point where you're literally shaking, and it's not because you're in pain but you are? Yah. That's not fun. But since then things have calmed down considerably. Maybe I'll wear short sleeves one day. Under a sweater more likely.
Bambina was sick a few days. It's so freakin' sad to see a little one with sniffles. she doesn't even know what to do with herself. We had to go to her pedi to make sure she was okay. I took my mom with me so she could get out of the house. Ever since they've been taking care of her, they're just anal about going out. If it were up to me, we'd be out all the damn time. Poor baby, get the blinkies whenever we see the sun. Too bright! Too bright! Oops. She's better now, but a humidifier is a good thing. Really good.
Husbandido hooked me up with a Kindle for V-day. How awesome is that. For five months, whenever it was baby time, I'd have to literally drop everything. I'd try to compute, but with one arm it's pretty useless. So with my Kindle, affectionately named Kimbo Slice, I can tear through libros no problem. How cool is that. And I thought I wouldn't buy books at all. oopsies. There's three new ones in Kimbo. Oh and new vidcam. Found the other one to be big and unwieldy, and the new toy is a JOY to have. I capcha'd some crazy MIL action. GEEBUS!
I have a huge presentation to do on the 11th for work. I've been trying desperately to do my research and juggle my other work, but it's pretty impossible. I can only do reading when there's nothing on my plate (rarely) or when I'm pumping. Speaking of which I need to pump earlier and more often. This pumping at 4PM is lame. I'd love for Bambs to be fully mommy-fed, but yah, she's formula and that poop KILLS me.
Finally, got some news from a friend a few days ago that took a lot of wind out of my sails. Those of you who know, and I won't go any further, know what I'm talking about. It's been unreal, and it's been on my mind since I read the email. Prayers, light, and love. It's all I have, and it's everything I want to give.
I hate to post then leave not knowing when I'll be back, but I will. This has been hugely therapeutic, but if you want to get down and therapeutic, let me know. Really.
Voodoo